Creating energy boundaries is a must for healers, HSPs (highly sensitive persons) and empaths. Knowing where your energies starts and ends is important. In this post I'll touch on the what are boundaries and how to create strong boundaries in your every day life and in part 2 steps to create strong spiritual boundaries. Boundaries are not about forcing others to change or controlling others but rather about loving and protecting yourself and your needs.
What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are how we take care of ourselves and express to others what we need from them. It also helps us understand what is our responsibilities and what responsibilities belong to others. To keep it simple let's break down boundaries into three parts and use the example of a lifestyle choice not to drink alcohol.
What I Need
If you eat a certain diet and live a certain lifestyle you'll want to create boundaries to protect this. For example you don't drink alcohol and someone does not know this and offers you an alcoholic beverage. This is the first step of setting boundaries, simply letting someone know you do not drink alcohol. Be assertive and clear and skip explaining your decision. Explaining your decision opens you up for negotiating, which blurs the lines of your boundaries. Also being shy, apologetic or sounding uncertain gives others the impression that you're not serious. Being assertive means you respect yourself and others and creates clear boundaries and expectations that others know when they are going too far.
What I Need From You
In many cases people will have gotten the hint and respect your boundary and won't need any further discussion. In some cases though people do not respond well to boundaries or may not understand what you need from them. Let's say the person continues to ask you if you want an alcoholic beverage, asks questions you do not feel comfortable answering or simply still pours you a drink now you'll want to clarify what you need from the other person. State you're boundary again and ask the person what you need from them. In this case you'd remind them you do not drink alcohol, it is not something you wish to discuss or have challenged and that they do not need to ask you again in the future.
So this is where it gets awkward, most people do not like being told what they are doing is not acceptable. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. A healthy person may react but quickly come to an understanding and respect you're boundaries. Then there are exceptions where the person is continuing the offensive behavior, in this case continuing to see if you want a drink. Now you need to state what action you will take if they cannot comply with your boundary. An appropriate action here may be choosing to disengage further conversation with the person, clarify you will not take future invitations if this boundary is not respected or if you feel it necessary leave the situation entirely. But be ready to act without hesitation at the first sign the person is not respecting your boundaries.
Spiritual and Energy boundaries...
Spiritual and energy boundaries need to be the same. Be clear on what your needs are, what you need from others and what action you will take. This goes beyond picturing a ball of white light around you and raising your vibration so negativity does not find you. This is about loving yourself and others and respecting and understanding that you are responsible for processing your own emotions, integrating the lessons they teach you and doing so by using your own life force energy. This is the same process we all go through and when you allow others to use your energy or sit in your energy it only enables them and you to continue to suffer for longer. By respecting that you need to feel you're own emotions and integrate what lessons they teach you and that this is a clear path to healing, you'll respect why others need to feel their own feelings and that being a dumping ground for others problems is not serving anyone's healing.
Next week I'll go deeper into spiritual boundaries, how to set clear boundaries and a deeper look at why it is needed to allow healing. If you found this article helpful, please share!!!
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